FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
