I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
