I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
