my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
