There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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