Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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