Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
