Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
