Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
