DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
