Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
