i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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