Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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