He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
