There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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