omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
