the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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