thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize