I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
