Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
