Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize