maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
