I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
