we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
