he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
