You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
