maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
