On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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