every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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