Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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