Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
