well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
