im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
