I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
