I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
