You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
