I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
