You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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