so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He better not be in your backpack
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I need a beard to bite.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
