I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
