your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
This house was built for laser tag.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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