I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
