His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
