Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize