I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
