Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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