How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
