my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
