FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
