I want to walk on stilts...naked
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm having to shit out rocks
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
