He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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