I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
