I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
