If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
