I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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