I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I will pee on everything he values.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
