just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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