There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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