Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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