i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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