so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
