so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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