No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
