your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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