sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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