my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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