Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
