I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize