Are we in a gay sports bar?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
